Internal Auditor - February 2004

AUDITORS ANONYMOUS

It’s Bob’s first Auditors Anonymous meeting and, unfortunately, his is a typical story. Sure, he started out doing a few audits just for the fun of it — performing a quick review, asking a few questions. Maybe he prepared a few statements just for kicks, ignoring the next morning’s writer’s cramp. But soon it was an obsession — a need for that adrenaline rush of being in control, but not really accountable.

And there are thousands just like Bob: People who thought they were auditing for controls, but finally realized it was the audit that controlled them.

For example, Phyllis started out volunteering at her children’s school by helping prepare a budget, then realized she was spending 20 hours a day auditing every expense — and her kids had left for college 10 years ago. And Jeff agreed to look over the meeting minutes for his homeowners association’s meetings, and eventually found himself hung in effigy at the local park.

You could be one of the many people who, on the outside, appear to be leading normal lives of quiet acceptance, but on the inside live with the lust to question every detail of every transaction. It could be time to start asking yourself, “Am I an auditor?”

The people around you can provide hints that there is a problem you don’t recognize even if they are providing excuses for your behavior. Your friends may say things like, “Oh, we always do a few audits, for old times’ sake.” Your neighbors may say, “I’ve seen him do a few audits, but we all have our vices.” And your co-workers might add, “Sure, he does an audit now and then, but it’s part of his job. Hey, everyone has to do an audit to get ahead. Anyone who doesn’t do one isn’t considered part of the gang.” These friends may only be facilitators, helping you rationalize the problem you can’t quite see.

There are no easy answers. You may be the last one to realize you’re an auditor. But take the following test; it may help you decide.

‡Do you ever wake up in the morning and feel you can’t get up without performing an audit?

‡Have you ever decided to stop doing audits for a week or two, but found yourself desk-deep in workpapers after only a couple of days?

‡Do you envy people who can audit without getting into trouble?

‡Do you miss Y2K

‡Has your auditing caused you trouble at home?

‡Do you hide audits around the house?

‡Do you tell yourself you can stop auditing any time you want, you just don’t want to yet?

‡Have you missed any holidays or vacations because of auditing?

‡Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not audit?

‡Do you find risk assessments lying around the office, but don’t remember completing them?

‡Do you wish people would mind their own business when it comes to your audits?

‡Do you know the full names of every audit committee member, but struggle to remember your spouse’s?

If you answered “yes” to four or more of these questions, you are probably an auditor. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You probably know other auditors and aren’t even aware of it. They have learned to control themselves. You can, too.

If you think you are an auditor, it is in everyone’s best interest for you to get help now. Make the right choice, and you can once again become a productive member of society. Otherwise, you may find yourself on a street corner holding a sign that says, “Will audit for food.”